| I said last week that money doesn't generally | | | | one another. "Let the best one one win." Each |
| buy happiness, butthe lack of it can buy | | | | facesthe same challenges. Each is armed with |
| absolute misery. This, by the way, is notjust | | | | the same weapons. Eachhas an equal chance of |
| my personal observation. It is the conclusion | | | | feeling the thrill of victory and theagony of |
| of some ofthe most respected happiness | | | | defeat (unless, of course, you happen to be |
| researchers (Yes, there is such athing -- | | | | the Tampa |
| read my book.) | | | | |
| | | | Bay Devil Rays). |
| The trouble is that we have to pay attention | | | | |
| to money more whenwe lack it than when we | | | | Imagine the play-by-play if hunting truly was |
| have it. This doesn't seem fair, but the | | | | a sport: "Man isclosing in. He's coming up |
| | | | from behind and rounding to the southside. |
| Lord works in mysterious ways. Most people | | | | He's raising his rifle. Deer doesn't even |
| are invested in thestock market, either | | | | appear tonotice. Oh, I can't watch. This is |
| directly or through mutual funds, | | | | going to be a massacre. |
| pensionplans or some other vehicle. So it is | | | | |
| hard not to be part of the | | | | Wait! Deer has just bucked up and twisted. He |
| | | | spins around atree, and -- look! Deer has a |
| Panic Crowd. But I ,in all my financial | | | | rifle too. He aims. He shoots! |
| wisdom, have two goldenrules to offer. These | | | | |
| may not make you rich, but they will keepyou | | | | He Kills!!! Man is down. What an upset, |
| happy. | | | | ladies and gentlemen." |
| | | | |
| Number One: Place your investments in the | | | | In real life, Deer doesn't win very often. In |
| safest vehiclespossible (Do as I say, not as | | | | fact, I estimatethat Man is about 4.3 |
| I do!) and forget about them. Whenthe next | | | | gazillion times more likely to be defeatedby |
| recession ends, take inventory and see that | | | | his own team mate than by the opposition. We |
| you stillhave investments. Most of us don't | | | | call this |
| get a rush out of watchingour investments | | | | |
| plunge or yo-yo up and down. Most people | | | | "friendly fire". |
| arehappier when they forget they even have | | | | |
| investments. | | | | Contrast this to Itchy Trading Finger, who |
| | | | stands an equal chanceof striking gold or of |
| Number Two: If you are one of those people | | | | moving into a cardboard box on the |
| with a terminal caseof Itchy Trading Finger, | | | | streetcorner. The stock market truly is |
| then you probably would not be happyignoring | | | | sport, for those who choose totreat it that |
| your investments. Place aside what you need | | | | way. Which is why it is so important to put |
| for thelong term, such as retirement if your | | | | aside |
| heart lasts that long. | | | | |
| | | | -- in safe, secure investments -- the money |
| Don't play with this money. Don't touch it. | | | | you feel you need foryour future. That way, |
| Trade only with | | | | when Itchy Trading Fingers retire, theycan |
| | | | move out of the cardboard box. |
| "extra" money. The rest of you are asking, | | | | |
| "What's that?", but | | | | For the rest of us, we are happier getting |
| | | | our sport watchingmonster trucks crush WWF |
| Itchy Trading Fingers know what I'm talking | | | | actors. Oops! There I go again, mixingmy |
| about. They viewstock trading as a sport. | | | | sports and my metaphors, not to mention |
| | | | ignoring severalfederal safety standards. May |
| In fact, stock trading is a sport. Much more | | | | your investments be safer than my |
| than, say,hunting. Think about it. In a | | | | |
| sport, two equal opponents squareoff against | | | | WWF friends, and may you sleep well at night. |