| I said last week that money doesn't generally buy | | | | opponents squareoff against one another. "Let the |
| happiness, butthe lack of it can buy absolute misery. | | | | best one one win." Each facesthe same challenges. |
| This, by the way, is notjust my personal observation. It | | | | Each is armed with the same weapons. Eachhas an |
| is the conclusion of some ofthe most respected | | | | equal chance of feeling the thrill of victory and |
| happiness researchers (Yes, there is such athing -- | | | | theagony of defeat (unless, of course, you happen to |
| read my book.) | | | | be the Tampa |
| The trouble is that we have to pay attention to money | | | | Bay Devil Rays). |
| more whenwe lack it than when we have it. This | | | | Imagine the play-by-play if hunting truly was a sport: |
| doesn't seem fair, but the | | | | "Man isclosing in. He's coming up from behind and |
| Lord works in mysterious ways. Most people are | | | | rounding to the southside. He's raising his rifle. Deer |
| invested in thestock market, either directly or through | | | | doesn't even appear tonotice. Oh, I can't watch. This is |
| mutual funds, pensionplans or some other vehicle. So it | | | | going to be a massacre. |
| is hard not to be part of the | | | | Wait! Deer has just bucked up and twisted. He spins |
| Panic Crowd. But I ,in all my financial wisdom, have two | | | | around atree, and -- look! Deer has a rifle too. He aims. |
| goldenrules to offer. These may not make you rich, but | | | | He shoots! |
| they will keepyou happy. | | | | He Kills!!! Man is down. What an upset, ladies and |
| Number One: Place your investments in the safest | | | | gentlemen." |
| vehiclespossible (Do as I say, not as I do!) and forget | | | | In real life, Deer doesn't win very often. In fact, I |
| about them. Whenthe next recession ends, take | | | | estimatethat Man is about 4.3 gazillion times more likely |
| inventory and see that you stillhave investments. Most | | | | to be defeatedby his own team mate than by the |
| of us don't get a rush out of watchingour investments | | | | opposition. We call this |
| plunge or yo-yo up and down. Most people arehappier | | | | "friendly fire". |
| when they forget they even have investments. | | | | Contrast this to Itchy Trading Finger, who stands an |
| Number Two: If you are one of those people with a | | | | equal chanceof striking gold or of moving into a |
| terminal caseof Itchy Trading Finger, then you probably | | | | cardboard box on the streetcorner. The stock market |
| would not be happyignoring your investments. Place | | | | truly is sport, for those who choose totreat it that way. |
| aside what you need for thelong term, such as | | | | Which is why it is so important to put aside |
| retirement if your heart lasts that long. | | | | -- in safe, secure investments -- the money you feel |
| Don't play with this money. Don't touch it. Trade only | | | | you need foryour future. That way, when Itchy Trading |
| with | | | | Fingers retire, theycan move out of the cardboard box. |
| "extra" money. The rest of you are asking, "What's | | | | For the rest of us, we are happier getting our sport |
| that?", but | | | | watchingmonster trucks crush WWF actors. Oops! |
| Itchy Trading Fingers know what I'm talking about. | | | | There I go again, mixingmy sports and my metaphors, |
| They viewstock trading as a sport. | | | | not to mention ignoring severalfederal safety |
| In fact, stock trading is a sport. Much more than, | | | | standards. May your investments be safer than my |
| say,hunting. Think about it. In a sport, two equal | | | | WWF friends, and may you sleep well at night. |